Piñata Good Idea

by Torry Martin

Dear B. Log,

My former butler and best buddy, Bradford Manners, has finally married the love of his life, Miss Ulily Mae Willow! And boy, was it the wedding of the century. (Technically, it should be called the wedding of the half-century, since it took nearly 50 years for them to tie the knot.) The point is, they have officially become Mr. and Mrs. Manners, and I couldn’t be happier for them!

If you remember, they were reunited last year on Cinco de Mayo. (That’s May 5 for non-Spanish speakers like me.) So naturally they decided to have a Mexican-themed wedding. Their wedding was one of the most colorful and festive weddings Odyssey has ever seen—also one of the most touching. It’s a beautiful thing to witness the marriage of two people who faithfully trusted God to bring them together. In fact, there wasn’t a dry eye in the church as they said their wedding vows. The best part happened when the minister introduced them as Mr. and Mrs. Bradford Manners and the whole place exploded in applause. Then at the reception at Barn Again Arts, Mrs. Manners bashed open the wedding-cake piñata and sent candy sailing. Talk about a party!

About a week before the wedding, they asked me to design and construct an 8-foot-tall piñata. I spent roughly 5.2 million hours cutting and gluing and appliqué-ing layer upon layer of papier-mâché to make my masterpiece. By the time I finished, it looked super sweet—literally! Which could be due to the fact that I stuffed it full of Bradford and Ulily Mae’s favorite candies.

I had originally planned to fill the piñata with 50 pounds of candy—one pound for every year Bradford and Ulily Mae were apart. But Mr. Whittaker thought people might get hurt if they broke open a piñata and had 50 pounds of candy drop straight on them. He convinced me to do a practice drop to test his theory. Turns out, he was right. It really hurts.

Getting slammed with 50 pounds of candy not only gave me a headache, but a tummy-ache, too. I had to eat myself out of the pile one candy at a time, until I finally surfaced for air. Thankfully I was smart enough to think ahead and fill the piñata with those orange marshmallow circus peanuts. I hoped it would soften the blow when they landed on me. Turns out, 50 pounds of anything hurts when it lands on you—even marshmallows. The worst part is, now I’m sick of circus peanuts.

Bottom line, I’m glad I took Mr. Whittaker’s advice. His idea to test my piñata was pretty smart. It saved the lives of potentially hundreds of old ladies, kids and crazy uncles. Secondly, next time I drop 50 pounds of candy on my head, I’ll be sure to use caramel corn or licorice. That way, I’ll be eating my way to safety through something I love.

This article first appeared in the May 2012 issue of Clubhouse magazine. Copyright © 2012 by Torry Martin. Used by permission. Illustration © Gary Locke.