adapted from Acts 27:39-28:6 by Karen Wingate

Viper 1: Whew. What a storm!
Viper 2: Am I glad that’s over.
Viper 1: Hey, look at all of those guys climbing onto the beach.
Viper 2: It worked! Our master—the first snake mentioned in the Bible—wanted that ship destroyed. Now let’s see . . . 253, 254, there’s four more.
Viper 1: What are you counting?
Viper 2: Shhhh, 276. AAACK!
Viper 1: What’s wrong?
Viper 2: There are too many survivors. All 276 survived.
Viper 1: So what? They’re just humans.
Viper 2: A certain one was supposed to die.
Viper 1: Stop your hissy fit. If you want, I’ll go take a bite out of him. Just as long as I can get out of this cold mud!
Viper 2: Great idea. Thanks for volunteering.
Viper 1: Which guy should I get? They all taste the same.
Viper 2: Don’t you ever read our master’s bulletins? The apostle Paul, that’s who.
Viper 1: Oh, that’s the guy who’s been turning the world upside down with talk about Jesus?
Viper 2: Shhhh! Don’t say that name. There’s power in that name.
Viper 1: Whose name?
Viper 2: That name you just said.
Viper 1: Paul?
Viper 2: No, snake breath, the other name.
Viper 1: You mean Je . . . (Viper 2 clamps his mouth over Viper 1’s mouth, who moans in protest while Viper 2 continues to speak.)
Viper 2: Listen to me. We want Paul dead.
Viper 1: (groans)
Viper 2: Go fasten yourself to that piece of driftwood. When he picks it up for the bonfire, nail him.
Viper 1: (speaks in muffled voice) I can’t do anything till you let go of my mouth!
Viper 2: Oh, sorry. Now move it!
Viper 1: (mumbles as he slithers away) Now which guy is Paul? Must be that bearded dude. Okay, which branch are you going to pick up? (moves just off stage)
Viper 2: Shhhh, he’s coming your way! (pause, then to himself) All right, Paul, baby. Steady, now. He’s got it. All right, you viper, press in the poison!
Viper 1: (off stage) Gotcha! (pause, voice muffled) Yuck! I hate missionary!
Viper 2: C’mon, Paul, clutch your chest, start choking. Do something! C’mon Paul, drop dead!
Viper 1: (still muffled) Don’t shake me off in the fire. I’m trying to do you a favor and send you on a trip to heaven, first class. Owwww! (slithers back on stage)
Viper 2: Did you do it?
Viper 1: Of course I did it! Did you see what he did to me? He just shook me off like I was a fly. And he tasted awful. Where’s a mouse to wash this down?
Viper 2: Why isn’t he dead yet? Are you sure you got the venom into him?
Viper 1: Of course I poisoned him! Want me to bite you too?
Viper 2: (backing off) No thanks, I believe you.
Viper 1: Wow! Paul’s still walking around. He’s eating. He’s telling someone about . . .
Viper 2: (raises voice) DON’T SAY THAT NAME!
Viper 1: What name? You mean . . .
Viper 2: (continues to shout) YOU KNOW WHO I MEAN!
Viper 1: (yells) WOULD YOU STOP YELLING IN MY EAR?
Viper 2: (yells) SORRY! (lowers voice) I mean, sorry.
Viper 1: It’s okay, snake face, I know you’re stressed.
Viper 2: I don’t understand this guy. His ship wrecks on a sandbar. We poison the dude. And he won’t die! Who’s he working for anyway?
Viper 1: Maybe he’s working for . . .
Viper 2: (through clenched teeth) Don’t say it.
Viper 1: He sure does seem to know where his power comes from.
Viper 2: Whose side are you on anyway?
Viper 1: Of course I’m on our side; I’m just commenting on how Paul feels about
Je . . .
Viper 2: (shouting) DON’T SAY THAT NAME!!!!
Viper 1: You mean (shouting) JESUS?
Viper 2: AAAAGGGGHHHH!
(both slither off stage)

	Q: How do bees telephone one another? A: They just give each other a buzz. Zephan S., 9, Kentucky Clubhouse Jr. Click here to subscribe