Average Answers (Part 16)

Readers asked, and Average Boy answered. We'll update this page every week with Average Boy's thoughts about brothers, school and other average stuff. You never know when he might answer your question!

Ask Average Boy a question.

Question  Why is your name "Average Boy"?

Just wondering,

Answer  Hey Sydney,

Great question! I call myself Average Boy because everything I do is pretty average. Actually, my dad is reading this and reminded me about the cross-country race I did, but I'd sound silly calling myself "Below Average Boy!" :)

I have realized that I could be super if I follow the path God has for me. So while I'm pretty average, I'm still being all that God wants me to be. And to be honest, when no one's listening I call myself Super Average Boy! But don't tell anyone.

Your friend and mine,
(Super) Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

Hi! My family has been getting Clubhouse for about nine years. When your stories were just starting, you said your birthday was in June or something. Now you say it's in September. What's with that? I like it better in September 'cause my birthday's in September, too. What day is yours?

Anyway, I really like your stories. They always make me laugh.


Answer  Hey Allison,

I asked my Dad about that. He said cakes are cheaper in September so that's when we celebrate my birthday. But I remember it always being in September, because I always have to finish my homework before I can open presents.

Maybe I wrote about my birthday once and the story came out in the summer. (I really should start reading what I write.) Oh . . . and it's on the 11th. I can't wait to see what you get me! No pressure, but I need a new bike helmet as of yesterday . . . our driveway is hard.

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  What is your brother's name? I heard it was Brian, but then I heard it was Eddie. Is he in national security or something? Of course, if he was, you would have to say he wasn't. But I know you'll say no, so I'll know that he is in the national security. So if he really is, you'll have to say yes. But why would somebody lie by giving the correct answer? And if he wasn't and you said no, then I might think he was. What a paradox (better look in the dictionary before you respond)! So maybe just tell me the truth. You can trust me! Also, what's the best thing you have ever built out of LEGOs?

Your friend,
Even Less Average Than You

Answer  Hey Probably Not Really Less Than Average Than Me,

What brother? I don't have a brother.

OK. You caught me. He's real, and his name is Brian. Eddie is a friend of mine. Billy introduced me to him, so you know he's weird. :) In fact, today we spent the morning catching dangerous snakes that have the ability to turn into worms whenever we show anyone. Eddie is a lot of fun.

Now about that paradox thing, I don't even have one dox, much less a pair of them!

And finally, the best thing I built out of LEGOs was a giant wall, but my brother, Brian . . . or James or . . . I forget what the Witness Protection Program said we're suppose to call him this year. Anyway, my brother broke down the wall when he opened his bedroom door.

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Dear AB,

I live in Texas. It's not that hot. Why do you always say it is?


Answer  Hey Gary,

Nice to meet another . . . hang on, I have to find a towel and wipe the sweat off my hands and face. OK. Much better. Nice to meet another . . . man, my computer screen just fogged up. Let me move directly under the fan. OK, that's better. Nice to meet another Texan! What was your question again?

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

If you were any character in Clubhouse besides you (who is awesome by the way), who would you be?


Answer  Hey emj5200,

Wow, I've never gotten a question from a robot before! That is so cool. I will answer you in robot talk: Bleep, blurp, beep, beep, whirrrr, buzz, bleep, dot, dot, dash, Aooogaaaa, bleep, bleep, blurp.

(For those of you that don't speak robot, I just said, "I'd choose my brother or Billy, because that way I'd get to hang around with me!")

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Hey, I am a really big fan of Average Boy. Do you know if I could get your book in Arizona? God is a good thing to read about. I hope you come out with another Christian book for kids.


Answer  Hey anais,

You're lucky that you don't have to capitalize your first name! That saves a lot of time typing. You should be able to get my book in Arizona. In fact, I know there's a copy down in the Grand Canyon because I left one there by accident. I thought I heard a herd of those pack mules charging me and tossed the book into the air. Turns out it was just my dad hiking down to me. But I forgot to go back and look for the book. You could also find it at Christian bookstores or online. Thanks for reading my stuff! I hope to have another book out soon!

Your friend and mine,
average boy (I just saved a few seconds by not capitalizing my name! Of course, I just wasted them by typing this.)

Question  In your book, you said that you and your dad play pranks on each other. I have two younger brothers that I pick on a lot. I was wondering if you have any ideas for pranks to play on them. I will ask my parents before I play them.


Answer  Hey Samuel!

Yes, I do! First get a pound of flour. Then climb a ladder and . . . uh, I mean . . . No. You should just love and respect your brothers and treat them really, really nice. (I really need to answer these questions when my parents aren't in the room and reading over my shoulder.)

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Hey Average Boy,

I'm a Christian and my cousins say they are too, but they cuss and say dirty jokes! I want to take them to AWANA and help them know Jesus! How can I show I'm not too good for them and still want to be their friend, even if they think of me as the “Preacher Boy”?


Answer  Hey Ezra,

Sounds like you AWANA help them out! Get it? AWANA? I wanna? I hope you're laughing because Billy and my brother are just rolling their eyes. (I thought it was funny.)

Anyway, great question! Love is the most important thing to use. And you are right that you don't want them to think you're too good for them. But you also need to let them know what they're doing is wrong. If they say they are Christians, then they should follow the Bible. James 1:26 is a good verse that talks about this: "If anyone thinks he is religious without controlling his tongue, then his religion is useless and he deceives himself."

So I would sit down with them and read this Scripture. Just tell them, "Hey, I wanted to let you know why I think dirty jokes and cussing is wrong," and then just ask them what they think about it. Hopefully that will get them talking and realize what they are doing is wrong. I'm very impressed that you are standing up for what's right! Way to be a Super Hero!

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Average Boy,

What do you do when people think your best friend is weird? Do you agree with them so you can be cool, or do you stick with your best friend?

Your No. 1 Fan,

Answer  Hey Mariah,

My best friend, Billy, said he should answer this question because he deals with this situation all the time. I don’t know what he meant by that, but I’d say to stick with your best friend. If this kid is your best friend, then you should be his or her best friend, too! Being a best friend means sticking up for that person no matter what! Plus, if people think your best friend is strange that means you have a pretty interesting best friend. Anyway, I better close out this email. Billy and I are playing a new game I thought of called “Hide your tied-up brother.” It’s pretty interesting!

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Hello, Average Boy! (aka Bob and whatever other devious characters you might turn out to be):

The game is up! I know your plan. You are posing as a clumsy boy just to trip us up and distract us from your real plan of replacing the moon made of cheese, with a new moon, while convincing innocent children that the man in the moon ate the cheese. I’m on to you and will be watching your every move!

Jared D—I mean, Agent 736 (aka swiss cheese . . . you know what I mean!)

Answer  Hey, Jared (aka pretty much every name ever thought of),

Are you by chance best friends with Mariah?

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

I get Clubhouse magazine frequently, and I was just wondering what you do in an embarrassing situation? I have trouble with that. I never know how to react or what to say. Thank you so much for your kind attention.

Answer  Dear Person Who Is Obviously So Embarrassed That They Don’t Put Their Name,

I relate to that! I do embarrassing stuff all the time. Sometimes I just throw my arms up in the air afterward and shout “Ta Da!” like a magician who just performed a trick. That usually gets a laugh and takes the attention off the embarrassing thing I just did. Sometimes I’ll say, “Well, this will give me something to tell my therapist in a few years.” This also gets a laugh.

I’ve actually used both of those today and it’s not even 10 a.m. Maybe instead of working on what to say in embarrassing situations, you could spend time learning how to avoid embarrassing situations. But you are welcome to use my ideas or think of your own funny response. The main thing to remember is that it doesn’t really matter what others think of you as long as Jesus is proud of you! Hope that helps.

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  I'm having a hard time finding my talent or figuring out what kind of profession I want to have. Do you have any suggestions?

Talent Seeker

Answer  Hey Talent Seeker,

First off, your name is a good start. And third of all, what happened to second of all? And finally, are you praying for God to show you what your talent is? That's the biggest thing to do. It could be that God needs you to wait before He shows you. Maybe He's protecting you from things right now by not showing you your talent. He may be preparing you for it, which takes time. For instance, maybe I'm supposed to be a male model and God hasn't made me extremely good-looking yet so I'll learn to be humble first. (That's what I'm hoping for.) So I would start with prayer and end with patience. God is in control, you just need to go along for the ride!

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

Did you ever have any boxing incidents?

Please answer,

Answer  Hey Bob,

Great name! Yes, I’ve had a few boxing incidents! Once when we were moving, I had a box completely fall apart, spilling out all my LEGOs. I also had a boxing incident where Donny duct taped me inside a box at school. He said I wasn’t strong enough to tear the duct tape or cardboard but the joke was on him! Three hours later I ripped that lid right off! Anyway, thanks for the interesting question.

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Hey Average Boy!

Love the cool misadventures! I live in Zimbabwe. (I challenge you to find it on a map. Hint: It’s in a continent that starts with A, and it’s not Australia or Antarctica). My family and I are missionaries, and I thoroughly enjoy it (to some extent). There is almost no food in the country, so we go to Botswana and South Africa to get food. Anyway, it’s nice writing to you. I don’t get much mail, so it would be nice if you could write back.


Answer  Hey Christi,

Thanks for the hints on where you live. I think I know where Zimbabwe is. Is it in Arkansas? I’m not very good at Geometry but I’m pretty sure that’s the only other A continent.

By the way, Botswana sounds like a cool grocery store. We go to Kroger. Sometimes they give us a free cookie. I’m really proud of you guys for being missionaries! What a great job to tell those who are hungry about the Bread of Life! Keep up the great work.

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

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Copyright © Bob Smiley. Illustration © Gary Locke.