Average Answers (Part 21)

This year, Average Boy's resolution is to act his age . . . how old is that again?

Ask Average Boy a question.

Question  Who is your favorite football team? (Since you’re from Texas, I assume you like football.) Also, do you have any friends besides Billy?


Answer  Hey Caleb,

My favorite football team is the one that doesn’t pick me last at recess. We’re not very good, but we did win the Tri-State Area World Championship of “Junior High Three-Man Football Played on a School Playground Between 11:15 and 11:45 a.m.” I even caught a touchdown pass!

The biggest sport at my school is actually cross-country. Maybe it’s because we all grew up running away from Donny, but the kids around here are really fast. I once lost a race to the team captain . . . while he was on crutches.

By the way, I have lots of friends: Glasses McQueen, Wendy, my brother, smelly Pat, etc. I just talk about Billy more often because he’s my best friend.

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

What is your middle name? And does anyone ever get it mixed up with some name that it's NOT? Because my middle name is Lura, but everybody always thinks it's Laura.

I love your crazy adventures!


Answer  Hey Syndi,

My middle name is definitely not as cool as “Lura”—it’s pretty average. Get it?

Sometimes people mix up my first name. I’ve been called Normal Boy, Usual Boy, Regular Boy and Neither-Amazing-Nor-Mediocre Boy. (I think that last one was supposed to be a joke.)

Wait, which of my adventures are the crazy ones? They all make sense to me. :)

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Hi SAB (Super Average Boy),

Do you have any tips on how to keep your room clean? My room is always messy! No matter how hard I try, after 3-4 days it’s a mess again.


Answer  Hey Annabella,

For Christmas, I gave my mom a coupon that said I would clean my room. She cashed it in immediately.

I read in a book somewhere that you should start by making your bed. Next, take stuff off the floor, pile it onto your bed and sort through it piece by piece.

After 2 weeks, there’s still stuff on my bed. I’ve been sleeping in a tent in the living room. It’s kind of like camping . . . except Mom won’t let me roast marshmallows on the coffee table.

Your friend and mine,
Super Average Boy

Question  Dear AB,

How do your parents live with you?! You’re breaking toys left and right. (Possibly up and down.) Also, how do you think of this hilarious stuff?

I have your book, Growing Up Super Average. <3 it! Keep doing what you’re doing, for me and God and the good of others. :)


Answer  Hey MYSK,

If you really love something, do you <2 it? Just kidding.

I don’t know the whole story, but every once in a while Grandma hints that my dad used to have adventures, too. (These days, most of his adventures involve sandwiches.) Maybe that’s why he’s so patient when I break things or flood the kitchen or mess up at school.

For the record, I do get in trouble when I break the rules. But who wants to read “The Adventures of Grounded Boy”?

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

What’s your favorite Bible verse or passage? I’ve been reading Hebrews, and God has been teaching me a lot.

Keep on keeping on!

Answer  Hey Hannah,

I’m guessing your favorite verse is 1 Samuel 1:5—“But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her.” Your name is in the Bible . . . and for a good reason! (I always feel bad when I meet guys named Shaphat.)

My favorite verse right now—it changes weekly—is John 3:30. Jesus started baptizing everyone. So everyone started going to Him instead of John the Baptist. Well, John’s disciples got mad that they weren’t the popular group anymore. But John the Baptist made a great speech about Jesus being more important than anyone else. He explained, “He [Jesus] must become greater, I must become less.”

Every day, I try to make Jesus greater and myself smaller. Keep reading!

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Hey Average Boy,

What do you do when you can't fall asleep?


Answer  Hey Kayna,

I answer people’s emails. I’ve found that if I start answering emails, I eventually get very, very slezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Question  My brother keeps going in my room and taking stuff like my headphones. Please help me!


Answer  Hey A,

Wow . . . did your brother steal the rest of your name? That is a problem.

Matthew 18:15 says, “If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private.” In other words, maybe you two just need to talk about it. If that doesn’t work, then talk to your parents. It’s important to be able to trust your siblings, and you can’t trust them if they are always stealing stuff from you. Hope that helps!

Oh, and if your brother won’t give you your name back, you can borrow some of mine.

Your friend and mine,
Aver. B.

Question  Are your “Average Boy” stories true or not? (Please let me know if answering this question would be revealing too much information.)


Answer  Hey Mahari,

My locker combination is . . . wait. That would be revealing too much information. I once told it to Clint, and he filled my locker with 6,000 marbles. The next time I opened my locker, all of the marbles spilled out and turned the hallway into a waterless slip ’n slide!

On the plus side, our school janitor now has the world’s coolest marble collection.

My stories are mostly true, with a little extra fun. If I think of a good joke while I’m remembering one of my adventures, I’ll throw it in to make somebody laugh (usually Billy).

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

Have you ever been to Europe? I’m a missionary there.

My family has been missionaries for 20 years now. I was 8 months old when we moved to Russia and then at 7, we moved to Europe.

I’m a new fan of yours, by the way.

Answer  Hey Simon,

What a coincidence: I’m a new fan of yours, too.

I’ve never been to Europe, but I did go to Valley View once. That’s a town about 11 miles away from me. Turns out, I over-packed for the trip. We were only there for an hour and my suitcase kept slowing me down.

Keep spreading the Good News!

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  If you had time-traveling abilities, what time would you pick to visit?


Answer  Hey Jenny,

I would go back about half an hour ago, to the time I hung that bucket of water above my door. I thought it would be funny to call my brother in and watch him get soaked. I now realize that it’s a mean trick, so I’d go back and stop myself from doing that . . . or at least make sure my brother walked in first and not my Dad. I think he’s still mad about that one.

Great question!

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

Question  Hi AB,

Do you know how to swim? I once won three ribbons at a swim meet.


P.S. I love your stories! Keep writing!

Answer  Hey Hannah,

Wow. Three ribbons in one meet?! The only swimming trophy I ever won was for Splashiest Backstroke (ages 8 and up).

Yes, I know how to swim and I love it! It's great exercise, it's lots of fun and you get to meet interesting people.

Your friend and mine,
Average Boy

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Copyright © Bob Smiley. Illustration © Gary Locke.