Funny Answers Pt. 10

Question  Dear Average Boy,

Do you plant flowers in the spring? What types of flowers are your favorites? Do you have any pets? Do they stay in the house or out?

Joanna S.

Answer Hey, Joanna S.,

No, I don’t plant flowers in the spring. I plant them in the dirt. In fact, I don’t even have a spring. I had a slinky once, but I learned quickly that it’s not a good toy to dangle out of a moving car.

Anyway, my favorite flower is the weed. You don’t really have to work hard to keep them blooming.Yes, I do have a dog, and he can stay in the house if he wants. Unfortunately, because of a few bad wrestling practices, he chooses not to stay inside when I’m home. In fact, he’s so skittish that when I get off the bus, he usually tries to hitchhike to visit relatives. Of course, no one picks him up. I think it’s because he doesn’t have a thumb, so the cars passing by don’t really know what he’s doing.

Anyway, got to go water my weeds. Have a great day!

Your Friend and Mine, 

Average Boy

Question  Hi, Average Boy!

I love your adventures! They remind me of myself. Do you have lots of cousins? I have a ton (or 2,240 pounds or something like that)! Have you ever been to Disneyland? I haven't. I don't see what the big deal is. All you do is pay a big furry rodent $500 so you can stand in line all day. 

I'm from Canada! One thing I don't understand is why everybody thinks it's cold up here. Well, I gotta go. My dad's yelling something about helping our neighbor build his igloo.


Answer Hey, Caleb,

I built an igloo once! It was a small one because we only had two ice trays in our freezer, but it looked really cool. Of course, I live in Texas so it melted the second I took it outside. (Unfortunately, it wasn't during the week of winter we have here.)

I haven't been to Disneyland, but I did go to a smaller theme park once. I think we only paid $20 to stand in line.

And finally, I do have a bunch of cousins. They don't visit much; for some reason they are afraid of my dog.

Your friend and mine, 

Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

Have you ever tried to fly a kite? Every time I try, the brand new kite ends up in shreds somewhere in a tree, and I have to chase it for miles. Has that ever happened to you? And by the way, since you said you were much better at kickball than softball, I was wondering if you ever played soccer.


Answer Hey Megan,

Wow. That is a problem. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a running tree with a shredded kite in it before — much less anyone chasing it. I did try to fly a kite once, but I could never run fast enough to make the kite go up in the air. The kite just drug behind me as if to say: “Ouch! Gravel Burns! What are you doing? Why don’t you give me to a running tree!” It didn’t actually say that, but I’ll bet that’s what it was thinking.

Oh, and I’m a great soccer player! Well, I’m not good at the running part or the kicking part, and I’ve never scored a basket-goal-point-thing — but other than that, I’m a great soccer player. Anyway, I’m off to see if any of the trees in my yard want to play tag.

Your friend and mine, 

Average Boy

Copyright © Bob Smiley. Illustration © Gary Locke.