Funny Answers Pt. 15

Question  Hey, Average Boy!

If you had enough money (in a million years or so) which pet would you choose: a white rhinoceros, a Burmese python or a piranha? Also, could you tell me if you ever met Wally McDoogle?


Mrs. Aragorn

Answer Hey, Mrs. Aragorn!

I guess I would pick the python because they move really slow. If I’m a million years old, I’m not going to want to grab my walker and go chasing after some rhinoceros (no matter what color it is). And a piranha just doesn’t make a good pet. He won’t fetch the stick; he’ll eat it. Anyway, I have to go. Wally McDoogle is at the door.

Your friend and mine, 

Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

I know your real name, but I go undercover, too. Yes, I know who you are.I cannot say my name. Just call me Bond277. I am amazed that you keep your brother from finding out you're a spy. He sounds dangerous. But from your stories, I can see you have him under control.When you get this message, destroy it. Make sure no one is watching. If you notice someone watching, wave your arms and scream, “green monkeys are coming!” (Hey, it worked for me!) After they walk away, saying how weird you are, do anything you can to destroy the document. Make sure you don't get an electric shock (trust me, it's painful!). 

I was wondering if we could do lunch sometime. Let me know.

Secret Agent Bond277

Answer Hey, Secret Agent Bond277!

I think my mom uses Secret Agent Bond277 to clean the floors. It smells all lemony fresh. By the way, next time, be more specific about how to destroy your letter. I used whiteout to erase it, and my dad was super mad. He had a hard time cleaning his computer screen. I think he ended up using some of mom's Secret Agent Bond277 to do the trick.

Anyway, about lunch, meet me at…at…. auuuggghhhhhh….green monkeys are coming!!!!!

Your friend and mine, 

Average Boy

Question  Dear Average Boy,

I am 11 years old, 4-foot-3-inches tall and the shortest kid in my fifth-grade class. What should I do when people start teasing me?


Short Stuff

Answer Hey, Short Stuff!

I think you should get a ladder, look your teaser right in the eye and say, “Look, Jolly Green Giant! I like being short. When it rains, I'm the last to get wet. Plus, I'll always have a job at the Chocolate Factory! Not to mention, I'll win limbo contests for the rest of my grade school career. When you want to go mountain climbing, you have to go to Colorado but all I have to do is find a speed bump. Short is cool!"

That's what I'd say. Actually, that is what I say. Because I'm not on the tall side either. I just laugh it off because I know God made me the way I am for a reason, so I don’t let other kids make me feel bad about it. It sounds like you have a good sense of humor about it as well. Keep it up and keep reading!

Your short friend and mine, 

Average Boy

Copyright © Bob Smiley. Illustration © Gary Locke.